"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
