The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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