Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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