I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
