Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
