Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
