I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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