im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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