don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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