Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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