Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Randomize
