I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
