god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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