Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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