dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
