??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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