She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
