I smell stomach acid.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
