DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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