he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
