I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
