sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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