He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
