oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
