Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
