I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
