I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
