Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
