hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
