If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
