I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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