mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
