She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
