This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
