So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
