I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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