tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
