I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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