Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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