I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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