You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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