okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is it because I queefed?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
