OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
