I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
