dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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