this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
