my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Im part way to drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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