Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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