am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
