Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Enjoy the penises
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
