to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have fence marks all over my body
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
