I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
