R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
