we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
