If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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