She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
