my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
