I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
