i don't like sucking hair
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
