There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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