Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
